The Art of Independence
I have always been a naturally independent person.
I would like to think that everyone who knew me growing up would agree with that statement. Whether it was making sure I did my homework alone or not wanting to get extra help in dance class, I always was wanting to take care of myself.
I got a job the second I got a car, I was the only one of my siblings to move away for college, and I try to make the conscious effort not to rely on other people for things when I can.
Pros & Cons of Independence
As I became older I realized that being so independent at a young age comes with its pros and cons. While being independent is where I believe a lot of my personal success has come from, it has also altered the way I think and act in a lot of situations.
Some of the positives of being a very independence person I have noticed are:
self-sufficiency
Starting off with an obvious one- being independent gives you practice in being self sufficient. Whether that relates to finances, living situations, or just your lifestyle, being independent has allowed me to grow and learn how to provide for myself and not rely on other people to do it for me.
being happy being alone
One thing about me is I will gladly go on a date with myself every night of the week if I could. I love being by myself. I see this one as a positive because I think there is so much self growth that comes with sitting in your own thoughts. Being alone with yourself allows for you to think and do things because you want to, not because other people are influencing you.
more opportunities
I strongly believe that being independent allows for more opportunities to come your way. Why? Because you are searching for them yourself. I don’t believe I would have ever started this blog, moved into my own apartment, or became the team director of a ministry on campus if I wasn’t as independent as I am, and wasn’t actively searching for more opportunities to better myself. It has allowed me to put less constrictions on the things that I allow for myself to do, because I know if a job led me to another state where I knew no one, I would be okay with that.
Now some of the negatives I have noticed being independent are:
having to make more of an effort to see people
As an independent person, I love my alone time. I will set aside time in my google calendar to have alone time, and will look forward to it all week. I have noticed that even while I live so close (and even in the same apartment) as some of my best friends, I have to make a conscious effort to ask people to hang out, because I am so content with being alone.
it’s hard to ask for help
This one can be a no brainer. Being independent often correlates to wanting to do most things by yourself. Growing up, I was the WORST at admitting I was wrong and asking for help. Thankfully within the past year or two, I have really recognized the art of hearing and accepting other people’s points of views in certain situations. It is not always easy to ask for help, but there is so much joy that can come from it.
taking on more of a workload than usual
Personally, I love to keep myself busy. I love filling my calendar and starting new projects constantly. I’m sure you can see where this is going. The reason this can be a negative thing is because as an independent person, I really hate asking people for help. I love the feeling of knowing I can do it all, but the reality is, we can’t. God didn’t put us on this world to be alone. We are meant to live in community with one another and learn from each other, and I am constantly trying to remind myself of this.
Balancing Independence
With all of that being said, I think independence is a beautiful thing, but it takes time to form a good relationship with it. Of course I am no professional, but these are some of the things that I have learned to help me find an amazing relationship with “the art of independence”.
Plan hangouts with your friends
As much as you may love to spend time with yourself, we are meant to live in community. I often plan 3 “friend dates” a week, and then let any more happen as they please.
Plan your alone time
In addition to the last point, you also need time alone. Now I am an introvert so I may need it more than others, but I love to have certain days dedicated to “me days”. I usually will save my Thursday mornings and Friday nights for myself, whether it’s going on a walk or to a coffee shop. This gives me time to recharge and gain inspiration for the week.
Ask for help
Ask for help, ask for advice, and then listen. It is easy for me to try to deal with things on my own, but you don’t learn by doing everything yourself. One of the beauties of life is hearing everyone else’s experiences and thoughts and then implementing them into your own life.
Make an effort to be self sufficient
I realized that the point in my life that I really learned to become independent is when I moved into my own apartment that I pay for myself, joined clubs that I knew no one in, got a degree that I didn’t know anyone else in, and put myself in situations where I was the only person that would be able to get me through it. This isn’t me saying that you can’t do things with other people, but don’t rely on them to do those things for you. Put yourself in those situations that you are pretty much forced to do it on your own.
Overall, being independent is an amazing thing. If you are wishing to become more independent, I really encourage you to spend the extra time with yourself. Challenge yourself to do new things by yourself, but make sure to balance it. One of the best things you can do for yourself is learning to form a healthy relationship with the art of independence.
